I. AM. TIRED.

I woke up this morning and checked my Facebook page, the same way I do every morning. I kept seeing posts about another Black man killed by police. I actually scrolled past the first five or so stories- not because I didn’t care, but because these news stories are becoming too common, an everyday occurrence- and each one I read makes me see red. So, I told myself I wasn’t going to watch the execution of Alton Sterling, which was caught on video. But, I kept seeing the story and the posts being made by friends, expressing their anger and disbelief at the situation, so I finally clicked on the video. I wish I hadn’t done that. To see a man be tackled to the ground by two burly officers, his head shoved into the hard pavement, to hear them yelling at him, then to see them pull their guns and hear the several gunshots that followed was infuriating. Even more hurtful was hearing the girl who recorded the video screaming and crying as she watched Alton be murdered. I can’t un-see that image in my head.

alton

I am so damn tired of stories like these. So sick of thugs with badges- these same thugs who took an oath to protect and serve the community. There was obviously some un-written stipulation that stated –‘Protect and serve…unless you’re Black,’ because it seems like every freaking day, we’re reading more stories like this one. We’re offering too many condolences, saying R.I.P. way too many damn times, and while we’re having to continuously do this, the people who are the real problem- the monsters in blue with badges and guns- are going home to sleep peacefully in their beds at night on paid leave…their reward for a job well done (that job being taking the life of yet another unarmed Black man) I. AM. SICK. OF IT. As a Black woman, I’m sick of it. As the mother raising a Black teenage son, I’m not only sick of it, I’m terrified for my sons life every time he walks out the door. I live in a town with a history of violence against Black men (a Black inmate was killed by police back in 2003 but of course, police were cleared of any wrongdoing) My concerns and fears are well-warranted. As a human being in general, I am sick of the senseless killings of Black people, and any human with even half a heart, should be as well.

Unfortunately, that’s not the case. In typical e-bigot fashion, the racist white folk have come out the woodworks, offering their typical biased opinions about the situation, as if they were there. The color of the man’s skin automatically warranted him being executed in public. The color of his skin automatically made him a thug and a criminal who deserved it in their eyes. It’s like they live for situations like these to occur- so they can do better detective work than any of the people who never seem to find fault in the officer’s actions, even when it’s caught on film- looking into the victims’ backgrounds and digging up his/her criminal past and even if he/she doesn’t have one, they’ll find another way to try to justify their murder. I. AM. SICK. OF. IT. Then, they love to throw up Black on Black crime, as if we’re blind to what’s happening in inner-cities, such as Chicago. Newsflash, bigots- we’re not blind to it; but the thugs (Black, White, Brown, Orange, and whatever else) who are out recklessly shooting and killing each other every night live by a different code than police officers’- who’s jobs should be to protect and serve the people…ALL PEOPLE- not become the thugs the Black race has to fear the most. Common street thugs haven’t taken an oath to protect the community. These trigger-happy cops, however, have…and they are failing at their jobs miserably. Add to that, when Lil’ Bobby from around the way murders someone, he’s tossed in prison, and there’s swift justice for his victim(s) in most cases. That’s not the case with police officers, who can so easily murder a child, for instance, then walk away completely un-bothered…as if nothing happened. That’s what we’re sick of. That’s what we’re protesting against- police brutality and the justice for the the victims that rarely ever follows. And before you start, yes, there are a few good cops out there; but their numbers pale in comparison to the bad one’s and because they stand behind that blue wall of silence, they sit back and say nothing while Black men, women, and children are being taken from us EVERYDAY!

A couple of weeks ago, Grey’s Anatomy actor, Jesse Williams gave a speech while accepting a BET Humanitarian Award about this very thing. He, too, expressed how sick and tired he is of watching our people be murdered in the streets,while many white criminals who commit horrific crimes, are taken into police custody  without a scratch on their bodies. The e-bigots were so mad, they couldn’t think straight…because the eff’ing truth hurts and they couldn’t stand the fact that this half-Black, half-white man chose to speak out about the injustices of his Black side. His light skin and light-colored eyes was supposed to mean that he was one of them…but he turned on them and identified with Black folks, so they turned on him, calling for him to be fired from the job he was given…by a Black woman. White fragility had them all up in their feelings, but to that I say, F**K YOUR FEELINGS. Black people’s feelings have been getting hurt for centuries, and they still are. Our feelings were hurt when the white slave-traders plucked my ancestors from Africa and forcibly brought them here, to work the fields of white plantation owners. Our feelings were hurt when those slave masters pinched the nipples and backsides of Black slaves women and girls- as if they were choosing a piece of ripe fruit from the grocery store- and taking them into the darkness to rape them, forcing them to have their babies, while their white wives turned their heads, pretending not to notice. Our feelings were hurt when slaves were forced to pick cotton in the fields, regardless of whether it was over one hundred degrees or less than twenty degrees. Our feelings were hurt when our Black men were chained to trees, whipped and beaten if they dared try to escape- hoping to try and find a way out of the hell they were living in, day after day- hoping to find a better life for him and his family. Our feelings were hurt when white folks happily stood lined up and down the street- as they watched the public lynchings of our Black men, women, and children who dared disobey massa- as if they were watching a parade. Our feelings were hurt when white slave owners would snatch mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers away from their families and sell them to someone else far away, never to be seen or heard from again, just to show he was in charge. Our feelings were hurt when, even after America claimed slaves were free, we only went from one side of hell to the other side, as we only endured even more decades of pain during the Civil Rights movement. Our feelings are still hurt when now, in 2016, Black people are still being lynched, still being publicly hanged and killed, still being made to feel inferior to whites…we’re STILL NOT FREE. So, to all the white folks who’s feelings and egos were bruised by Jesse Williams’ speech, I only have one thing to say: F**K YOUR FRAGILITY AND YOUR FEELINGS. WE. ARE. TIRED.

I sat and watched Alton Sterlings wife on the news earlier, and I couldn’t even concentrate on her words because standing beside her was her fifteen year old son, who weeped and sobbed, inconsolable as he repeated over and over, “I want my daddy.”  I felt his tears…felt his pain…sympathized with the mother, who tried to fight back tears as she spoke, and will now have to raise her children alone. White folks love to make jokes about the lack of Black fathers in our community. Well, perhaps if the cops stop shooting them all down in the streets, we might have a few more. I could ask, when will this stop, but I already know the answer: It won’t. It never has stopped and it never will. Some (not all) White-privleged Americans cannot, will not stop to try and understand our pain, our anger, our outrage. They don’t have these types of problems, so they can’t possible see where we’re coming from. If that’s your stance, cool; but keep your unwanted opinions about how we deal with our anger and frustration to yourself, because we don’t give a damn what you think about how we feel. When it comes to the genocide of the Black race, you’re either a part of the solution or a part of the problem. And if you don’t want to help try and stop all these senseless murders from happening, do us all a favor and shut the hell up, because your bigoted opinions don’t mean shit to us. If you can look in the mirror and not feel hurt and sympathy during situations like these, you truly need prayer. So, it’s another R.I.P. to another Black man while we sit and wait, hoping and praying it’s not our life or the life of our loved one people will be mourning next.

 

3 thoughts on “I. AM. TIRED.”

  1. Dang you spoke that TRUTH honey!! I am sitting here reading your words and I am amazed. You hit the nail on the head. I’m sick and tired of these stories. We know how it will end, acquittals or no charges even being filed. I’m tired. We as a race are tired. Jesse Williams didn’t mince any words in his speech. What he said was true and it is proven by stories like this. Alton was tackled, tazed, handcuffed, and shot SIX times. It’s bullcrap. Nonsense. It needs to stop.

    Like

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